Watching A Very Potter Musical
by Dolphin4444wssc
Summary: I know it has been done before but it's being done again. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape are told to go to the room of requirement to watch A Very Potter Musical. Set in Harry's 5th year. Canon pairings only. I promise it is better than it sounds. rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've always wanted to have a go at a watching the musical series so I decided to. I will be sticking to canon pairings only. Please let me know whether you think it is any good or not! (this is set in Harry's 5****th**** year)**

Chapter 1 – the room of requirement

Harry was having a very bad day. After his first DADA lesson with Umbridge he had already gotten a detention, half the school was calling him a liar and he couldn't even have the guts to ask Cho out!

Harry started thinking. '_I need somewhere where I can just disappear for a while and have a bit of fun.'_ He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice that he was continuously walking past the same spot.

At least, that was until a door materialised in the wall right by him. Harry stared at it in horror for about a minute before he came back to his senses. He pulled out the marauder's map and checked it. He saw himself on the 7th floor corridor but there was no door or room opposite him on the map.

Harry started to have doubts on whether he should go into the room or not. Eventually he just thought to himself _'What the heck, the day can't get any worse'_ and he pushed open the door.

Inside was a small alcove about the size of a broom cupboard with one table inside of it. On the table was a note. It read:

_Harry,_

_This may sound weird but this note is coming from a different universe_ _from the one that you are currently living in. In this world your life is a series of 7 books. From this people have made films and parodies. In the Room of Requirement you will watch 'A Very Potter Musical', 'A Very Potter Sequel' and 'A very Potter Senior year'. I have decided to send this to you now because you need cheering up (and for certain people there is some good blackmail material). As well as you there are some other people that I would like you to bring to watch the musical. They are as follows:_

_Ron Weasley_

_Hermione Granger_

_Ginny Weasley_

_Draco Malfoy_

_Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape will also be present but since Snape hates you and Dumbledore won't look you straight in the eye I have sent them each a note and they will come here separately. If one of these people are missing or if someone else is there then the video won't play. When you have got everyone come back to here on the 7__th__ floor corridor, walk past this spot 3 times and think' _I want to watch A Very Potter Musical' _and a door will appear. While you are in there you will not be able to leave and time will freeze,_

_A mega fan._

Harry froze, staring at the letter for 10 minutes before coming out of the broom cupboard and going to find the others.

_20 minutes later…_

"Where are you taking us? I've got a potions essay that's due in for tomorrow to write!" Ron whined as he Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Malfoy hurried through the castle to the 7th floor.

"Well you should have done it earlier then shouldn't you." Replied Hermione. "And no I will not write it for you, Ronald!" she said as she saw Ron's mouth open again. (She was trying to say this angrily but it was hard when she was trying to keep up with Harry who was charging ahead.) Ron closed his mouth and nodded meekly. Ginny burst out laughing at how timid Ron looked.

"Scared of standing up to Granger, Weasley?" Malfoy sneered.

"Shut up Malfoy." Mumbled Ron.

Harry heard none of this. He was trying to remember exactly where on the 7th floor he had been. When he got onto the 7th floor he found Dumbledore and Snape waiting there so that answered his question.

"What exactly is going on? I suddenly had a note appearing on my desk saying to come here." Said Snape. He was not very happy now that he had realised that he would have to spend extra time with Potter and his accomplices.

"I'd like to know too." Said everyone else.

Harry ignored them. He paced in front of the wall three times thinking '_I want to watch A Very Potter Musical'. _Suddenly a door appeared in the wall and they all stepped inside.

Inside was a large room with 7 big armchairs around a table in the middle. On the opposite wall was a big screen. There also seemed to be an excessive number of cushions. The room itself looked a lot like the Gryffindor common room with red and gold walls and a fire blazing in one of the walls. Altogether it looked very cosy.

Around the room were 8 doors. Ron immediately went and looked inside the rooms. In the first 3 there was a W/C, a meeting room and a kitchen. The other 5 were bedrooms. The one nearest to the kitchen was labelled 'Harry Potter and Ron Weasley' (Ron looked simply ecstatic that his bedroom was closest to the kitchen), and then, going round to the left, the others were labelled 'Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley', 'Draco Malfoy', 'Albus Dumbledore' and 'Severus Snape'.

After looking in all of the rooms everyone came back into the main room and settled down in the armchairs. On the very left was Snape, then Dumbledore, Hermione, Ron, Harry, Ginny and Malfoy was on the far right.

Another note then floated down. Dumbledore picked it up and read it out.

_To Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape,_

_I have brought you all here to watch A Very Potter Musical. While you are in here time will be frozen so you can take as much time as you need. To save having to bring in people from St. Mungo's no magic can be used in here so you're wands are useless. If you feel the need to hex each other then you will have to make to by hitting each other with the cushions _("So that's why there are so many!")_. If you want food then you just tell the plates and cups what you want and they will appear _("I hope there were no house-elves involved!")_. There are also ingredients in the cupboard if you want to cook for yourselves (you can also find lots of snacks in the cupboard for a certain Ron Weasley). When you are done just put everything in the sink and it will wash itself. In the bedrooms you will find spare clothes. Have fun watching the musicals!_

_A mega fan._

Everyone was silent for a few minutes afterwards. Then Dumbledore spoke up.

"Why don't we watch the first two parts and then have dinner?"

Everyone agreed. After Ron came back from getting some snacks to keep them going they pressed play and started the musical.

**A/N: what do you think? Should I carry on with it? Just review to let me know. A happy author updates faster!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm back! I have updated this chapter quite quickly but I don't know how quickly I will be able to update in the future. What did you think of the last chapter? Did you love it or hate it?**

Chapter 2- back to Hogwarts

As the musical began everyone was silent as staring at the screen as they waited to see what happened first. The disclaimer came on the screen and then it started.

Ginny burst out laughing. Uncontrollably. "good – impression – of – you!" she managed to get out between laughing. Then Ron started laughing as well.

"Yeah, they've really captured you. With the scar and the glasses. And the pessimistic expression." Hermione said, smirking. Everyone else apart from Harry started to laugh as well. Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Malfoy were laughing very hard, Dumbledore was chuckling with the twinkle in his eye and even Snape was smiling slightly. Harry was just looking very grumpy and pessimistic. This made everyone laugh even harder.

"I can't wait to see what you all look like in this musical." Said Harry evilly. Everyone sobered up immediately.

**HARRY: (sitting on a trunk in the middle of the stage) (singing) Underneath these stairs**

Ginny glared at him. "What does it mean 'underneath these stairs' Harry?" she asked in a deadly whisper. Everyone else glared at him too. Harry was just glad that Ginny didn't have her wand with her. Everyone tried not to earn themselves one of her bat bogey hexes if they could.

Harry really didn't want to tell people about his home life. He knew that he would probably have to eventually but he wanted to hold it off for as long as possible.

"I was probably just sneaking some stuff out of my trunk. My aunt and uncle always put it there."

Everyone stopped glaring at him but none of them believed what Harry had said. He just obviously didn't want to talk about it.

**I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt. I can't believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lighting scar because they'll never, ever give me what they want.**

Malfoy smirked to himself. _He was arrogant then, for the boy with the pampered life to say that._

"They never gave you anything!" Hermione yelled at Harry who shrunk away from her.

"They gave me, you know, clothes and stuff." Harry lied.

Everybody relaxed slightly.

_It sounds a bit like my home life._ Snape thought.

"Your uncle doesn't make your scar hurt, does he?" asked Ginny.

"No. only Voldemort can do that. I'd be slightly worried if my uncle made my scar hurt." Harry joked, trying to ease the tension. It didn't work.

**I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. I can't take all of these muggles, but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive.**

"Bit pessimistic aren't we harry?" Ron asked. Everyone started laughing at how true that statement was. Harry was looking grim. _If only they knew how true that is._ He thought.

**I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now. (stands up) I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

"Bit eager aren't we, Mister Potter." Said Dumbledore and, for the first time this year, he looked Harry in the eye and smiled at him.

Harry was ecstatic. Dumbledore was actually looking at him again! At the next break he was going to ask him exactly what problem Dumbledore had had with looking him in the eye.

Harry smiled back at him. "Of course I am always eager! My aunt and uncle hate me, and the feeling is mutual."

**I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts! Where everybody knows I'm cool.**

"I don't want to be cool, I don't want people crowding me and I don't want everyone knowing who I am!" said Harry, frustrated. Ginny patted his shoulder. She didn't like seeing Harry angry.

"Complaining about fame are we, Potter? But of course some of us with brains know that you aren't cool." Sneered Malfoy. He was promptly hit in the face with three cushions. Ginny was sitting next to him and Ron and Hermione, it turned out, had extremely good aim.

**Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts.**

"They really are magical." Said Ron, his stomach rumbling even though he had been eating throughout the whole thing. Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Dumbledore smiled fondly at the Ron that they all know and loved.

**It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! I'm going back.**

**I'll see my friends, gonna laugh till we cry.**

Harry smiled fondly at his friends, remembering all of the good times that they had shared together.

**Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die,**

"They've just jinxed it, haven't they?" sighed Hermione.

"It doesn't really matter whether they jinx it or not, Hermione. Someone usually dies anyway." Said Harry

"Too true." Hermione knew that Harry was still mourning the loss of Cedric. It had only happened last summer, after all.

**and it's gonna be totally awesome!**

**I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark arts, yeah bring it on!**

"I'm fine thanks. I have enough problems as it is." Sighed Harry.

Dumbledore was worrying. Maybe there were too many things on this young boy's shoulders. Someone his age shouldn't have to talk with that much experience, they should be young and carefree. He would have to talk to Harry about it.

**And do it all with my best friend Ron, 'cause together we're totally awesome!**

"Yeah, we are, aren't we!" said Ron

"Forgetting someone, Ronald?" asked Hermione, annoyed.

"I don't think so…" said Ron looking thoughtful, which is always a bad thing.

Hermione looked very hurt so Ginny comforted her "Don't worry about my idiot brother, he's only got one brain cell." Everyone laughed

"Yeah…OI!" everyone laughed even harder at Ron's confusion.

**RON: (Enters through door) (singing) Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome! (speaking) Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Wooo!**

Everyone apart from Ron burst out laughing.

"I love the headband!"

"Nice expression!"

Ron was just gathering enough cushions to throw at everyone.

**Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to go get some uh, some floo powder, but uh, we gotta get going, come on, get your trunk, let's go**

"Oh Godric, this is going to go wrong." Sighed Ron

"What do you mean, Mister Weasley?"

"Well in second year Harry tried to floo to Diagon Alley and ended up in Borgin and Burkes!" laughed Ron. Dumbledore just chuckled.

**HARRY: where we going?**

**RON: to Diagon Alley, of course!**

"Oh Merlin."

**HARRY: Cool!**

**RON: Come on!**

**HARRY AND RON: Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power.**

"What are you idiots doing? You don't floo like that!" sneered Malfoy. He then got hit with another two cushions. It turned out that Harry also had extremely good aim.

"I take back what I said earlier. Ron you have absolutely no brain cells and apparently you have none either, Harry because your joining Ron." Stated Ginny matter-of-factly.

"This isn't us!" yelled Harry and Ron simultaneously.

**RON: (singing) It's been so long, but we're going back. Don't go for work, don't go there for class**

"Well this certainly explains your attitude in potions class but I'm afraid that the whole point of school is to learn." Said Snape who looked utterly bored.

**HARRY: As long as we're together-**

**RON: Gonna kick some ass**

"I hope not literally."

**HARRY AND RON: And it's gonna be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm. Stay up all night and sneak out of our dorm.**

"And how exactly do you do that Mister Weasley and Mister Potter?" Snape asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"W-we don't professor! T-this isn't us!" spluttered Ron, trying to sound convincing.

Ginny just laughed "Ron you are the world's worst liar!"

Ron suddenly blended in very nicely with his hair. Just as Snape opened his mouth another note floated down. Harry picked it up and read it out.

_Just to let you know, you can't give detentions or deduct house points in this room (just in case Severus Snape was thinking of doing so)._

Snape closed his mouth and suddenly looked very forlorn.

**HERMIONE: (comes up from behind them) But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWL's.**

"It's true!" said Hermione but no one heard because they were too busy laughing at her appearance.

**RON: (talking) God Hermione, why'd you have to be such a buzzkill?**

"I'm not … am I?"

"Of course not." Said Harry and Ginny at the same time as Ron said "Yes." Ron suddenly became a nice little mountain of four cushions.

**HERMIONE: Because guys, school's not all about having fun.**

"No, it isn't." said Hermione and Snape as the same time as Harry, Ron, Ginny, Malfoy and Dumbledore said "Yes, it is."

**We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may be frumpy**

"I'm not frumpy!"

"You were-" Harry and Ron started but the rest was muffled when Hermione and Ginny hit them with cushions.

**but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start.**

"Why would they say A's when you're straight O's?" asked Ron

"In the muggle world A's are the highest grade." Explained Harry

"Oh!"

**What I lack in looks, well I make up in heart,**

"So true" was heard from Harry, Ron, Ginny and Dumbledore.

**and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.**

"NOOOO! Then you'll make us study too!" yelled Harry and Ron in despair

**RON: That would be cool if you were actually hot.**

"So true." Muttered Malfoy to himself. Unfortunately he was heard by all and was quickly trying to shield himself from six cushions.

**HARRY: Hey Ron, come on, were the only friends that she's got,**

"That's not true!"

**RON: And that's cool,**

**HERMIONE: And that's totally awesome!**

"I know it's totally awesome that we're friends, there's no need to state it out loud!" said Harry, Ron and Hermione at the same time.

**RON, HERMIONE AND HARRY: Yeah we're so cool and we're totally awesome!**

_Not true_ Malfoy thought but he didn't say it out loud in fear of being pelted with more cushions.

**ALL: (other students enter and dance behind them) We're sick of summer and this waiting around.**

"I think everyone gets a bit bored in the summer holidays." Said Hermione

"Apart from you because you're too busy doing more homework than necessary." replied Harry. Ginny hit him with a cushion but there was no effort behind it because, like everyone else, she was trying to hold in her laughter.

**It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how!**

"What?"

**HARRY: I gotta get back to Hogwarts!**

"We know already!" said Harry exasperatingly.

**HARRY, RON AND HERMIONE: I gotta get back to school! I gotta get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magicool!**

"That's a good word! I need to start using it!" said Ron excitedly.

"This coming from the boy with no brain cells. Remind me never to use it." Malfoy sneered (no surprise there). For the first time ever, Harry, Hermione and Ginny actually agreed with him.

**ALL: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, back to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts! I think we're going back!**

"Well that was good." Said Harry "But the best is still to come. We haven't seen what Snape and Malfoy look like yet!" he reminded them.

At this reminder everyone except the mentioned people started to roll around laughing. Snape and Malfoy just went around hitting them with cushions.

When everyone had once again taken their seat the next clip started palying.

**A/N: What did you think? Please tell me! A happy author writes faster!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: It's me again! Thanks to all of you people reading my story it's really appreciated. Here's the next chapter for ya!**

Chapter 3 – Ginny and Malfoy

The clip started playing.

**GINNY: (enters) Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madame Malkins and use those sickles mum gave you for my robe fitting.**

"Noooo!" yelled Ginny she then proceeded to hide behind the largest cushion that she could reach. Harry burst out laughing at her on-screen appearance. "It's not funny!" came the muffled voice from behind the cushion as Ginny tried to hit Harry. Everyone else started to laugh too.

After a few minutes and several cushion battering's later, a red-faced Ginny had emerged from out of the cushion and they were ready to continue.

**HARRY: Who's this?**

**RON: This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny,**

"You better bloody well not mean that!" Ginny said in a deadly whisper. Ron cowered away from her as she gave him a death stare.

"Mate, be glad she doesn't have her wand with her." Harry said. Ron just nodded meekly.

**she's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry. (Ginny and Harry shake hands) Harry Potter, Harry Potter**

**GINNY: You're Harry Potter, you're the boy-who-lived!**

"Was I really that bad?" Ginny asked.

"To put it the nice way, ye-omph!" the rest of Harry's sentence was cut off by a pillow to the face. "Who knew that cushions could hurt so much?"

"Me." Malfoy had been hit by so many cushions that he had great experience of how painful the cushions were.

**HARRY: Yeah, you Ginny?**

**GINNY: It's Ginevra**

"You dare call me that and you will wish that you never met me." Ginny warned the whole room in general. Anyone who had been laughing at the on-screen Ginny immediately stopped in fear of Ginny's wrath.

**HARRY: Cool, Ginny's fine**

**RON: Stupid sister! (claps above her head)**

"What is that meant to be anyway?" Ron asked

"I've no idea, Ron." Said Hermione. Everyone stared Hermione like she had just turned into medusa. They looked terrified. Then suddenly…

"THE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN!" Ron yelled. He then got up and ran around waving his arms like a madman.

"What?" Hermione asked.

"You don't know something!" Ron replied.

"I don't know everything, Ronald." Said Hermione, exasperatedly. "And besides, I still know more than you. You know absolutely nothing.

Ron sat down again, looking calm. Then he realised what Hermione had said and tried to hit her with a cushion. But Hermione had anticipated this and had removed all of the cushions around Ron while he was running. Everyone burst out laughing

**GINNY: (covers her ears) Ah!**

**RON: Don't crowd the famous friend.**

**HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?**

"Yeah. Sounds Chinese."

**HARRY: Music? What are you talking about?**

**RON: Yeah, someone's coming, someone's coming**

"No guesses who that could be."

**CHO, LAVENDER AND PANSY: (enter) (singing) Cho Chang, Domo Arigato, Cho Chang, Gung hey fat Choy Chang, happy happy new year, Cho Chang!**

"Weird song, nice dance." Said Ron. Everyone stared at the mentalist.

"Is there a spare bed in St. Mungos? I think he'd fit in just fine with Lockhart and his friends." Said Ginny.

Ron looked affronted. He got up, gathered a supply of cushions and threw one at Ginny.

**GINNY: (talking) Cool, who's that?**

**HARRY: That's Cho Chang**

"That makes sense." Said Ron.

"Mate, you're only just realising?"

"I thought we'd already stated this? He has no brain cells!"

**RON: That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

"I haven't!" yelled Harry.

"No, just recently." Said Hermione. Harry blushed a deep red and Dumbledore chuckled.

Ginny was depressed. _When will he realise that I like him?_ She thought to herself. _Maybe he just thinks that I would never be interested in him with all of the boys that I am dating. I should just ask him out but how can I with him ogling Cho?_

**HERMIONE: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**RON: Well yeah, you never tell a girl you like her it makes you look like an idiot.**

"So true." Said Ron and Draco at the same time.

"It's not. You just have to ask them in a way that doesn't offend them. But who did you ask out Malfoy?" Harry said, smirking.

Malfoy suddenly went a very bright red and mumbled "Astoria Greengrass"

"And what did she do?" Ron asked, now also smirking

"She slapped me."

"Well of course she did, she's not an idiot!" Ginny managed to get out before exploding with laughter. Harry, Ron and Hermione had no such luck keeping their laughter in for as long. Even Dumbledore was laughing quietly and Snape was smiling slightly.

**GINNY: (to Lavender) Konichiwa, Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley**

"I don't think Cho's that thick."

**LAVENDER: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang.**

"She looks like it."

"You would know, wouldn't you Harry? With the amount of time you spend staring at her." Hermione giggled before being hit with the cushion.

**RON: That's Lavender Brown (claps above her head and Ginny covers her ears). Racist sister!**

**CHO: Hey! It's alright. I'm Cho Chang, ya'll.**

"They have Cho and Lavender completely mixed up."

"Ron. That's. the. whole. point." Hermione said talking very slowly and clearly.

"How long d'you give it?" Harry whispered to Ginny.

"Six months tops." Ginny whispered back.

**HARRY: She is totally perfect.**

**RON: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though.**

"Was." Muttered Harry. Everyone knew what he meant and looked at him sympathetically. Apart from Snape. He felt sorry but didn't feel like showing it.

**HARRY: What! Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that? Who is that guy?**

"He's one of the bravest people I ever knew who was killed by the rat."

**CDERIC: (enters and knocks over Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny with his arms)**

"Well that's rude! And why is he grinning like the Cheshire cat out of _Alice in Wonderland_?" Hermione asked.

"What's _Alice in Wonderland_?" asked Ron, Ginny, Malfoy and Dumbledore.

"Children's book." Said Hermione, Harry and Snape simultaneously.

"Sounds stupid."

"That was one of my favourite books!" yelled Hermione throwing a cushion at Ron.

**(singing) Cho Chang! I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang! I'd sing my love aloud, for Cho Chang! (Cedric, Cho Lavender and Pansy run off)**

**HARRY: I hate that guy. I hate him.**

"I would never say that."

**RON: So are we gonna get those robes or not!**

**GINNY: Okay, alright, let's go.**

**RON: God, sister! (everyone walk off. Neville enters from right. Crabbe and Goyle enter from left. They walk into each other.)**

**GOYLE: Present your arm, nerd! (Neville presents arm) Indian burn hex!**

"Hermione, is that even a real spell?" asked Ron

"No, it isn't." Ginny replied before Hermione could reply (quite a hard thing to achieve). Hermione looked hurt and threw a cushion at Ginny.

**NEVILLE: Aaaaaahhhh! (re-enter Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny)**

**RON: Crabbe and Goyle.**

"Makes sense. They both look like they don't know much. Though the one could be a bit bigger."

**GINNY: (to Neville) Are you okay?**

**HARRY: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**GOYLE: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter. You think all because you're famous you can boss everyone around.**

**HARRY: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville, c'mon.**

"So true." Said Harry. "but they're probably just doing it on your orders as they always do."

"HEY! I can do my own dirty work!"

"Name one time when you have."

"I'll get back to you."

**GOYLE: Well you know what I think? (takes off Harry's glasses and breaks them) Glasses are for nerds. We hate nerds! (Harry takes back glasses)**

**CRABBE: And girls!**

"Isn't he played by a girl?"

"Ronald. It's called irony."

**RON: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter, he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby.**

"Don't remind me." Moaned Harry.

**HERMIONE: All right, everyone just calm down. Oculus reparo! (glasses 'mend' and Harry puts them back on.)**

**HARRY: Woah, cool!**

"Yes because that so wasn't staged."

"Irony, Ronald. Irony."

**HERMIONE: Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone! (HARRY AND RON: Yeah)**

**DRACO: (enters)**

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were rolling on the floor in laughter.

"You're played by a girl!"

**Did someone say Draco Malfoy!**

"No. They said big baby childish jerk. So basically, yes."

A laughing Harry then got hit by a well-aimed cushion.

**RON: What do want, Draco?**

**DRACO: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pip and go pay for my robes will you?**

"See what I mean? You never do your own work."

"Oh shut up, Potter."

**(Crabbe and Goyle exit) So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with the higher calico of wizard. (strikes a funny pose)**

"Malfoy, what the hell are you doing?" asked Snape. Everyone else was too busy laughing

"It's not me!"

**HARRY: Hey, listen. (puts his arms round Ron and Hermione) Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world and I wouldn't trade them for anything.**

"Thanks Harry. That means a lot." Said Hermione. She then kicked Ron in the shin and he added "Thanks mate." Harry just laughed at the look of pain on Ron's face.

**(Ginny tries to join but gets pushed off by Ron)**

"Glad to know how you feel about me." Said Ginny, looking hurt. Hermione went over to comfort her.

"Well you are-" no one could hear the rest of his sentence because he was suddenly buried under three large cushions.

**DRACO: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me! Red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion? You must be a Weasley!**

"Is that how you recognise us, Malfoy?" Ron and Ginny asked innocently.

"Yeah." Malfoy was then seen unsuccessfully trying to deflect six cushions.

**RON: Oh my god, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.**

"I feel overjoyed." Said Ginny, dryly.

**DRACO: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family. Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"What on earth is that?" everyone asked.

**(exit Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny) (singing) This year you bet, gonna get outta here. The reign of Malfoy is right here!**

"Keep dreaming, Malfoy."

**I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! (re-enter Crabbe and Goyle) Look out world for the dawn of a day, where everyone will do whatever I say! And Potter won't be in my way, and I'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"Malfoy, when will you understand that no one likes you?" Ginny asked sweetly.

"OI!" Malfoy then tried to throw a cushion at Ginny but it was deflected by Harry.

**GOYLE: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!**

"I'm now scarred. For life." Said Ron miserably.

"I'm sure it will get worse." Said Harry.

**HERMIONE: (talking) Guys, come on! We're gonna miss the train! (all students enter)**

"That's happened before."

"Didn't you fly a car over and crash into the Whomping Willow, Mr Potter?" asked Snape. He remembered the evening quite well.

Harry turned bright red and muttered inaudibly.

**ALL: (singing) Who knows how fast, this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the butterbeer flow!**

**HARRY: Maybe, at last, I'll talk to Cho!**

**RON: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!**

"It would." Sighed Harry wistfully.

"Oh just ask her out already!" said Ron, exasperated.

**ALL: We've come to learn everything that we can,**

"Only Hermione-" Ron never finished that sentence thanks to a cushion in the face

**it's great to come back to where we began! And here we are! And ALAKAZAM! And here we go, this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know! The summer's over and we're itching to go!**

**NEVILLE: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!**

"Finally! We get to see what you look like!"

**ALL: Ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh (enter Dumbledore)**

Everyone was rolling on the floor laughing. Even Snape and Dumbledore.

**DUMBLEDORE: Welcoooooooooome! All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all of you to school! Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool!**

"Have we really got one?"

"I'm afraid not, Miss Granger, but I'm sure the room of requirement would be able to provide one."

**Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome Hoggys, nerds and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (talking) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am headmaster at Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore. I suppose you could also call me Ablus if you want a detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus.**

"Would you really expel us professor?"

"No but I'd prefer it if you didn't call me by my first name, Miss Weasley." Dumbledore chuckled.

**ALL: (singing) Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends! GRYFFINDOR!**

"WOO!" yelled Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny.

**HUFFLEPUFF! RAVENCLAW! SLYTHERIN!**

"Woo." Said Malfoy, utterly bored.

**Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts, Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I'm sorry, what did you say?**

**ALL: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I didn't hear you kids!**

**ALL: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!**

**HARRY: Man, I'm glad I'm back**

"Well that was good. But shall we stop for dinner now?" asked Harry.

"FOOD!" yelled Ron and ran into the kitchen. Everyone laughed and followed a little more calmly.

**A/N: What did you think? Please let me know if you have any suggestions! A happy author writes faster!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm back! I'm glad that you enjoyed my story! I would like to thank Guest, BunnyBabe10236, purplepeopleeater122000 and the 1D- HOA- HG-HP –whovian for reviewing, saiph240 and the 1D- HOA- HG- HP –whovian for favourite-ing and purplepeopleeater122000 and 1D- WOA- HP –whovian for following!**

Chapter 4

After they had had their meal and Ron had gathered himself yet more snacks everyone headed back in to the main room to watch the next scene.

"We haven't seen you yet, Professor." Said Hermione to Snape, smirking.

"Eah!" said Ron, his mouth full of crisps.

"Yes and if anyone tells a soul outside of this room what I look like in this musical then I shall personally make sure that the person doesn't live past Christmas." Replied Snape, looking displeased with the fact that he would soon be entering the musical.

Harry burst out laughing at the look on Snape's face but quickly stopped when he was sent a death glare from him. "Why don't we start the clip?" he mumbled, feeling very uncomfortable under Snape's glare.

Everyone turned their attention to the screen as the next clip started to play.

DUMBLEDORE: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favourite student, Mr. Harry Potter.

"Do you really feel that way, sir." Ron asked, looking unhappy.

"Mister Weasley, I like all students equally."

RON: Woo! Woo!

"Thanks mate." Said Harry, putting his arm around Ron's shoulder.

"Hem, hem." Said Hermione in a voice so like Umbridge that everyone wheeled around, thinking that she had come into the room.

"Sorry Hermione." Harry said at the same time as Ron said "Well you're not-" the rest of his sentence was quite hard to hear thanks to being hit in the face with four cushions.

DUMBLEDORE: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby; he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.

"STOP MENTIONING IT!" Harry yelled, while flattening his fringe over his scar at the same time.

And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny-

"I'm sorry professor, I know you're, um, _ageing _a bit, but it is quite obvious that I am a girl." Stated Ginny.

Dumbledore chuckled at Ginny's use of language while everyone else laughed their heads off.

"I know that I am old, Miss Weasley, and I am fine with you calling me old. And with having already seen your six brothers I was bound to make the mistake sometime." Dumbledore said. This just made everyone laugh harder.

excuse me, Miss. Ginny Weasley.

RON: Boo, boo.

Ron was suddenly hit in the face with a cushion.

"Why is it always me?" Ron moaned.

"Because you're an idiot." Ginny replied calmly. Ron looked hurt. He looked at everyone else for support and they all agreed with Ginny. Ron pouted.

GINNY: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?

"Yeah, I thought we were."

DUMBLEDORE: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference

"Professor, can-"

"No we cannot get a scarf of sexual preference Mister Weasley." Snape interjected before Ron could say any more. Everyone looked to Dumbledore.

"I'm afraid that professor Snape is right."

"YOU TRAITOR!" Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny. They then all proceeded to throw cushions at Dumbledore. It turned out that he was quite good at deflecting them so they gave up.

aren't going to be back until next year.

Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.

"The sorting doesn't work like that." Said Ron, frowning.

"We know, Ron. That's the joke." Said Hermione, very slowly.

CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.

DUMBLEDORE: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?

Everyone burst out laughing at that. Apart from Harry

"A Hufflepuff is someone like Cedric." He said. Everyone stopped laughing at once.

Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape.

RON: Ah man, not Snape, I hoped they fired that guy.

"Really Mister Weasley?"

"N-n-no?"

GINNY: Why, what's wrong with Professor Snape?

RON: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil.

"I am not!"

"No. you're just a bat." Ginny was soon hit with two cushions.

HARRY: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad. (Snape enters)

Everyone started rolling on the floor in laughter. Even Malfoy and Dumbledore. Snape was just scowling.

"They really got the hair!"

"And the overgrown bat!"

"Has anyone got a camera?!"

After about half an hour and many flying cushions later people managed to calm down and get back into their seats.

SNAPE: Harry Potter, detention.

Everyone started laughing again at how silly the voice was.

HARRY: What?

SNAPE: For talking out of turn.

"The thing is, that could actually happen. It is plausible."

"I certainly hope not, professor Snape." Said Dumbledore sternly. Snape whistled innocently.

Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is?

"It's-"

"I'm sure it will tell us, Miss Granger." Everyone cheered for Dumbledore for rescuing them. Hermione pouted.

Ah yes, Miss Granger…

"Of course."

HERMIONE: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter.

SNAPE: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?

"And again."

HERMIONE: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way.

Snape: Perfect!

"As always."

"Got a crush, Weasley?"

Ron turned bright red.

RON: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one.

HERMIONE: Oh, a Portkey is something that-

RON: Not you, oh my god.

"Ron!" Hermione whined. She then decided it was a better idea to just throw a cushion at him.

"Ow!"

HERMIONE: -when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.

SNAPE: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or a dolphin.

"Since when is a dolphin harmless?" asked a confused Ron.

"Haven't we already told you? It's. irony."

"Hermione, you're forgetting something. My brother has the memory span of a goldfish." Ginny soon had an onslaught of cushions thrown by Ron coming towards her.

LAVENDER: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?

SNAPE: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves -looks at Ron-

"HEY!" Ron got no sympathy from anyone else as they were too busy sniggering.

They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.

HARRY: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?

"Yeah, what is one? I've never heard of it. And if you start running around and yelling again, Ronald, I swear I will take you to St. Mungo's to check for brain damage"

SNAPE: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough.

HERMIONE: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?

Hermione gasped. "I can't believe I just said that."

SNAPE: Oh no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,

GRYFFINDORS: Woo!

All the Gryffindors cheered with the ones on-screen.

SNAPE: Ravenclaw,

RAVENCLAWS: Ow!

SNAPE: Hufflepuff,

CEDRIC: Find!

"I bet there are going to be loads of jokes about it now." Harry groaned.

SNAPE: What? And Slytherin.

SLYTHERINS: Yessssssss!

Everyone started laughing again.

SNAPE: Now, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!

"That is unfair!" was the general cry heard from all of the Gryffindors aimed cushions at Snape.

GRYFFINDORS: What? Why?

SNAPE: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.

"OI!" Hermione yelled. Ginny comforted her. By this point Ron and Malfoy were starting to learn when to shut up.

RON AND HARRY: Thanks Hermione.

SNAPE: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell. (Quirrell enters)

People were rolling on the floor again. It was just too funny to look at. It was obvious that there were two people in the costume.

HARRY: Ow! Ah, ow!

QUIRRELL: The House Cup, a time honoured tradition. For centuries-

DRACO: Go home terrorist!

"How – did – you – know?!" asked Harry in between laughs.

"I – didn't!" replied Malfoy, also laughing.

Harry was having second thoughts about Malfoy. _Maybe he's not so bad._ He thought.

QUIRRELL: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the roots of the tradition?

HERMIONE: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students.

"Typical Hermione."

QUIRRELL: That was a rhetorical question.

"That doesn't matter. Ask a question, Hermione will answer it." Ginny was quickly

DUMBLEDORE: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.

RON: Thanks Hermione.

"You're welcome!"

QUIRRELL: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory.

"Sounds like another bloody Triwizard tournament." Harry muttered

HERMIONE: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament.

"Harry and Hermione think alike!" Ron cooed. He was suddenly hit with three cushions.

QUIRRELL: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?

"Simple. For an example, see Harry Potter's fourth year." Ginny said, sounding like a walking encyclopaedia.

HERMIONE: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.

"Isn't that why the Triwizard Tournament was banned?"

QUIRRELL: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.

"No they don't!" Harry yelled.

HERMIONE: No, I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died!

"My point exactly!"

Ginny put a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry no one said you were wrong." Ginny regretted what she said when she was hit with a cushion

DUMBLEDORE: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points.

Hermione looked on the verge of tears and Harry, Ron and Ginny all had to comfort her to calm her down. Malfoy rolled his eyes. He thought no one saw but he realised his mistake when he saw several cushions coming towards him. Hermione smiled at her friends for defending her.

RON AND HARRY: Thanks Hermione!

DUMBLEDORE: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore.

"Can you really do that sir?" Hermione asked.

"I don't think so, Miss Granger.

QUIRRELL: Yes, yes well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-

"It is not!" yelled Harry, his eyes flashing.

"Harry, calm down!" said Ron. They knew that magic couldn't be performed in this room, but they didn't know about accidental magic.

VOLDEMORT: Achoo!

DUMBLEDORE: Did your turban just sneeze?

"Yes." Said everybody. Even Ron.

QUIRRELL: Wh-what? No.

DUMBLEDORE: I could have just sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving.

QUIRRELL: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me.

"That was soooo convincing."

VOLDEMORT: Achoo!

HARRY: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh, Holy Jesus, oh my God…ow.

"Overreacting a bit, Potter?"

"No." said Harry, flatly. He hated the sharp pain that came with his scars.

VOLDEMORT: Achoo!

QUIRRELL: I simply farted once more. (Quirrell exits)

"Right."

DUMBLEDORE: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete! So, Snape, will you do the honors for me?

SNAPE: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang.

"Do you think she'd be any good."

"Probably not."

CHO: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all!

SNAPE: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory.

CEDRIC: Well, I don't _find_ this surprising at all.

"Oh god. I don't think I'll be able to stand all of the find jokes." Muttered Harry. Everyone heard and agreed.

CHO: I find it perfect, now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.

CEDRIC: I'm glad as well, my darling. –kisses her head-

"Someone pass me a bucket." Said Ron, looking rather green. A bucket appeared in front of him and he took it gratefully.

SNAPE: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy.

DRACO: Ha, ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time!

"You idiot Malfoy, it's just a title."

DUMBLEDORE: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion's just a title.

Everyone laughed.

"Sir, could you be more like this in real life?" asked Ron.

SNAPE: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life…

"Glad to know that you have faith in me Professor." Muttered Harry gloomily

NEVILLE: If-if it's me, I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, for losing-

SNAPE: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter.

"No wonder Mister Longbottom is afraid of you, Severus."

RON: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!

Ron joined in with the Ron on-screen.

DUMBLEDORE: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So let's get to it!

STUDENTS: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!

DRACO: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey… (everyone bur Harry, Ron and Hermione exits)

"No one ever cheers for me." Malfoy grumbled.

"With good reason!" Harry yelled. Malfoy hit him with a cushion. "It's true! You are horrible to most people!"

"Let's move on!" Ginny yelled before a full-scale argument could ensue.

A/N: what do you think? Please review! A happy author writes faster!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm back again! Sorry about the wait, I've been having writers block. But I'm back and will hopefully be updating every day. I'm sorry about the bolding on the last chapter, it went wrong and the computer won't change it. I would like to thank Guest, gryffindork93, potterhead934, purplepeopleeater122000 and PinkBubblesGem4444 for reviewing!**

Chapter 5

They all turned back to the screen and it started to play.

RON: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag.

HARRY: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome…

"My character is talking sense!" yelled Harry, looking both excited and confused.

NOT!

"Knew there was a catch."

He sucks! I'm totally going win this! It's in the bag.

RON: Yeah!

HERMIONE: I don't know, Harry-

"Hermione, you're character is talking sense too!" yelled Ron, looking very pleased that he had worked something out before everyone else.

"Ron, she usually does." Said Ginny hitting Ron with a cushion.

"OW!"

RON: Oh my god, Hermione shut up. Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?

"I don't!" yelled Hermione at the same Ron and Malfoy said "You do." They both regretted it when they felt the cushions make contact with their faces.

HERMIONE: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!

"So true." Muttered Harry.

HARRY: Dangerous, oh come on, Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?

"I'm only human!" yelled Harry, looking very offended.

"Of course you are. You're scar doesn't make you any different." Soothed Ginny while Harry went very red.

Harry was very confused. He wouldn't feel this happy if Ron or Hermione had told him, would he? He didn't have any feelings for him, did he?

Dumbledore smiled gently. He knew that it was only a matter of time before they got together.

HERMIONE: Well, you're not invincible Harry. Somebody died in this tournament.

HARRY: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-_Lived_ not _died_.

"What is it with the bloody titles!" yelled Harry. Malfoy was shocked.

"I can see through you and your act to get attention." He sneered. But everyone could tell that tрis time it wasn't genuine. Apart from Ron.

"When will you get it into your thick brain that he doesn't liked the titles!" he tried to throw a cushion at Malfoy but failed miserably.

God. What's the worst that can happen?

"Death." They all bowed their heads in remembrance of Cedric.

HERMIONE: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head.

"Did I just say funky?" asked Hermione, looking disturbed.

"Yes." Chorused everyone else, looking smug. Hermione hung her head in shame.

HARRY: Come on, think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors?

"Dumbledore!" everyone chorused

RON AND HARRY: Dumbledore.

HARRY: Who's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard-

RON: Beautiful.

HARRY: -beautiful wizard in the whole world.

"I thank you, Masters Potter and Weasley, but I suggest that you rethink the last adjective." Said Professor Dumbledore. Harry and Ron were a very nice shade of red.

Why, why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?

"I assure you, Harry, that when I hired Professor Quirrell that I had no idea that Voldemort was, for lack of a better word, living on the back of his head." Professor Dumbledore assured Harry.

HERMIONE: Look, I mean, what about Snape?

HARRY: Yeah, what about him?

Ron cracked up laughing. "Nice one, Har- ow!" Snape had just hit Ron with a cushion.

HERMIONE: He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too,

"Too true." Muttered Snape, sounding evil. But everyone could see the sorrow behind his eyes. Harry decided that later he would have to force it out of Dumbledore later. For some reason he dreaded the answer but he had to know.

Dumbledore just smiled sadly. He knew how much Severus loved Lily and how hard it had been for him.

Harry, everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors?

"There's more than five Gryffindors!" said Ron. No one bothered to answer him knowing that he would catch on soon enough.

HARRY: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!

HERMIONE: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies.

"If only I hadn't." said Harry miserably. He was just sick of Voldemort and his death eaters. They killed his parents. They killed Cedric. They killed too many innocent people.

HARRY: Okay.

HERMIONE: Ones you might not even know about.

HARRY: Alright, let me get this straight: so you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?

"Yes." Chorused the whole room. Even Snape and Malfoy. This scared everyone else considerably.

HERMIONE: I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it.

HARRY: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out.

"I wish I could have."

HERMIONE: Oh thank you Harry!

RON: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you'd win? Come on!

HARRY: Hey, eternal glory, already got that.

"And I don't want it." Said Harry.

Malfoy was shocked. "Who wouldn't want eternal glory?"

"Me."

Snape was now very shocked. Maybe Potter wasn't as big a prat as his father. Dumbledore had constantly reminded him that although Potter Senior was his father Lily Evans was his mother. Maybe Dumbledore was right.

Besides, Neville will be a great champion.

RON: No, no, no. I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion.

Ron was suddenly hit by two cushions.("OW!")

There were shouts from Hermione and Ginny of "You tactless git!" and "That was so mean!"

"This isn't me!" Ron managed to yell in between being hit with more cushions.

Hermione and Ginny ceased fire.

HERMIONE: Look all you have to do-look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?

HARRY: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really, really cool, we're super tight,

"We are?"

I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so can you just-why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something.

"Since when would I want to do that?"

"All the time, I would hope, Mr Potter." Harry went bright red remembering that the headmaster was there with him.

Alright? Hey, you've got this one. -taps her nose- You're the best.

HERMIONE: Alright.

HARRY: You got it. Don't worry about it.

HERMIONE: Dumbledore?

DUMBLEDORE: Yes Granger?

"A bit rude, aren't we, Professor?"

HERMIONE: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment. It's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea

"I can see why you did it, but couldn't you have found a less dangerous way to unite Wizarding schools, professor?"

"that was the easiest way and the schools were bound to come as they have pride issues, Miss Granger."

But, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete.

"I don't think I should have competed either."

DUMBLEDORE: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell, me why Harry Potter should not compete?

HERMIONE: Well, uh, because he wants to study.

"THE HORROR!" yelled Ron. "The world has gone sane!"

"Ron, don't be stupid, it hasn't." said Ginny, hitting Ron with a cushion.

"I quite agree with Miss Weasley." Said Professor Dumbledore and, to everyone's great surprise, he also threw a cushion at Ron.

Snape was just muttering under his breath. Everyone heard something along the lines of "If … world … sane … maybe … Weasley … Potter … be studying."

Ron settled down, now certain that the world was still insane.

DUMBLEODRE: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you.

"So true." Said Ron, blissfully.

"I hope that changes, Mister Weasley, because I'm sure your parents would not be happy if you managed to get a Troll in potions." Ron gulped.

HERMIONE: Uh, okay, well, he wants to focus on the OWLs.

"I don't!"

DUMBLEDORE: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!

HERMIONE: Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse, a set-up

"And, yet again, you were right."

And I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.

"As tempting as it sounds, I will not kill you until you manage to get a truly awful mark in potions."

DUMBLEDORE: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.

"AAAAAHHHH! The mental images!" Ron yelled. All of the teenagers were looking green. Ginny actually had to run to the bathroom and came back, five minutes later. Snape and Dumbledore were also trying to fight back the mental images but had more self-control than the others.

Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?

"And this is where Snape enters, trying to kill you."

SNAPE: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. [it's a bomb sandwich]

"Wow!" yelled Ron, going hyper. "I guessed right!"

DUMBLEDORE: Why thank you Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful?

"I guess a lot of thought would have gone into it."

"For you, Ron. For you." Ron then attempted to throw a cushion at Ginny. 'Tried' being the key word.

SNAPE: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti- I mean, bon appetite.

"Bad joke." Said Harry.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. –sandwich starts ticking-

HERMIONE: Um, is that sandwich ticking?

DUMBLEDORE: It looked like it's licking, finger-licking good.

Harry and Hermione were shaking their heads. "Even worse joke." Everyone else just looked confused.

HERMIONE: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich.

"I quite agree with you, Miss Granger."

DUMBLEDORE: Why, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. I don't know. Granger, what the hell-GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"Um, saving your life?"

BOOM!

You dog gone exploded my sandwich!

"You didn't, the bomb did that for you."

"We know, Ron." Said Hermione.

HERMIONE: I'm sorry sir!

"You shouldn't be, Miss Granger. You just saved my life."

DUMBLEDORE: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup?

HERMIONE: Yes!

DUMBLEDORE: It's enchanted. Whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad.

"What would happen?" asked Ginny

"Your magical core would break. For more powerful wizards, the results could be fatal."

HERMIONE: What do you mean bad?

DUMBLEDORE: Well…try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

HERMIONE: A total platonic reversal!

"Wicked!"

"I'm afraid it is not, Mister Weasley, it is just very messy."

"Are we speaking from first-hand experience, Professor Dumbledore?" Ginny asked sweetly.

"I'm afraid not."

DUMBLEDORE: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff

"Who did actually die in the old tournament, professor?" asked Harry.

"It was actually the Beauxbatons champion." Dumbledore replied.

so, um, I'll keep my eyes open and nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore.

"Well bang goes that theory, no offence Professor."

"None taken."

HERMIONE: Alright.

DUMBLEDORE: I gotta go make myself another sandwich, though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!

HERMIONE: Because it was a bomb… Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is.

"Cheating is a tradition of the tournament."

RON: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.

"I hope you didn't Mister Weasley."

"I didn't!" Ron was shrinking back from Snape's glare.

HARRY: Alright, you guys are awesome.

"I agree with my musical self. You are."

"Well now I feel loved." Said Ginny, fake sniffing.

"Sorry." They all chorused.

DRACO: Well, isn't this touching?

"Why me! Why am I always the one rolling on the floor like an idiot?"

"Simple. You are an idiot."

Malfoy threw a cushion at Ginny. "That was a rhetorical question."

RON: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!

"Yeah, butt out!"

"Ron," said Hermione in a soothing voice "You are talking to a screen."

"I knew that."

DRACO: Goyle and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts.

"Not again."

HARRY: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?

"I think we'd all like to know, Mister Malfoy."

"Professor Dumbledore, how would I know?"

DRACO: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts.

HARRY: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?

DRACO: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year.

"I think that Pigfarts is meant to be a parody of Hogwarts."

"I agree with them, Miss Granger."

HERMIONE: Malfoy, I've never heard of that.

DRACO: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars.

"Is that even possible?"

"I'm afraid not, Mister Weasley."

HARRY: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?

DRACO: No, no, I'm not even here.

"Yes you are."

"It is a figure of speech, Ron."

HARRY: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is from Dumbledore-

DRACO: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar.

"Who?" everyone chorused.

GOYLE: Rumbleroar!

HARRY: Anways, as I was saying, we-

DRACO: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk.

"Definitely a parody of Hogwarts, then."

"Well done Miss Granger, 10 musical points." Dumbledore said.

"What?" everyone else chorused.

"Well, I thought that since we can't give or take points then we should use musical points and at the end we should add or take them away from the respective houses."

Malfoy was muttering. "One of the most stupid ideas I've ever heard. Knew Dumbledore was a nutter."

Ron, Hermione and Ginny hit Malfoy and Harry said "Well, I think that it's a wonderful idea." He really didn't think it was but he said it just to spite Malfoy.

"It's settled then. I will give and take the points. And Malfoy, minus 10 points for what you said about my idea earlier."

They all turned back to the screen.

HARRY: Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here.

DRACO: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say; we're the only ones in here.

"True."

HARRY: Just, c'mon Malfoy, just get out of here please?

DRACO: Where are supposed to go?

HARRY: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?

"That was very good Harry, take 5 musical points."

DRACO: Ha ha ha, ha ha, now you're just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do.

"I don't! I wish I did though."

You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA

"NASA?"

"Muggle thing." Hermione answered to people's enquiring looks.

when our parents died.

Look at this! Look at this. Look at it, Rocketship Potter! Oh, oh, Starkid Potter!

"Isn't it Starkid productions?"

"That's the point, Ron."

Moonshoes Potter, traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts.

"Shut up about Pigfarts already!" yelled Malfoy.

HARRY: Alright, that's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story.

"So true. Never mention his parents. I speak from experience." Said Malfoy.

DRACO: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!

HARRY: Oh, sure just-

GOYLE: Back off nerd!

"I'm not a nerd!"

HARRY: Whoa, whoa, scary, scary!

"And that is not scary!"

DRACO: Not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger

"Don't insult Ron!"

And his stupid Mudblood girlfriend.

Ron advanced on Malfoy "Never call Hermione that word again!" he raised his fist to punch him but Harry, Hermione and Ginny managed to pull him back to his chair.

"Mister Mlafoy, minus 10 musical points for insulting a fellow student. Mister Weasley, minus 10 musical points for attempting to punch a fellow student."

HERMIONE: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!

"That is not the incantation!"

DRACO: Oh come on!

GOYLE: Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!

HERMIONE: Take it back Malfoy.

"Yes, take it back." Growled Ron. Harry realised the signs of Weasley anger and ran into the kitchen. He found a piece of rope, came back to the main room and tied Ron to the chair. Just for safety.

DRACO: Take what back?

HERMIONE: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!

RON: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true.

"Not yet, anyway." Teased Harry. To his surprise, Ron and Hermione went bright red.

HERMIONE: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What.

DRACO: I'm sorry!

HERMIONE: And you promise you'll never do it again?

DRACO: I promise!

"I wish. Professor, can we make Malfoy make an unbreakable vow to never call someone that again."

"I'm afraid not, Mister Potter."

HERMIONE: Alright. Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch.

"Typical Ron." Said Hermione.

"What's wrong with that?"

HARRY: Wow, thanks Hermione.

HERMIONE: Yeah. Unjellify!

"That's not the counter curse, either!"

RON: Wow, that was, like, the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression like RAWR, Hermione…

GOYLE: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff.

"I am never going to use that saying."

We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd.

"I'm not a nerd!"

DRACO: I didn't mean what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle.

GOYLE: -sniff- No.

DRACO: I thought maybe, maybe it was a little bit… Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud-whatever.

GOYLE: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify.

DRACO: Right. I'm not surprised. Come on, let's go watch _Wizards of Waverly Place._

"What?"

"Muggle thing."

"I suggest that we have dinner and then go to bed." Said Dumbledore.

They all went into the kitchen to have some spaghetti bolognaise.

While they were eating, a note came down from the table. Dumbledore read it out:

_Dear everyone,  
I thought that you might like the new addition that I am adding to this place. Enjoy the rest of the musical!  
A mega fan_

When Dumbledore had read out the note everyone ran out of the kitchen and back into the main room and saw an extra door. It said _'Quidditch pitch'_. Everyone went in to the room to find a Quidditch pitch the size of the one at Hogwarts and seven firebolts.

Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny decided to have a two-on-two game. After much deliberation Harry and Hermione were called the Mad Muggleraised and Ron and Ginny were called the Wicked Weasleys. Dumbledore volunteered to be the commentator but Snape and Malfoy declined to decline the kind offer of being the teams cheerleaders and headed back indoors.

After a vicious match (the Wicked Weasleys won 190-20) everyone came back inside and went into their rooms. Harry and Ron were both too exhausted to speak so just flopped on their beds and went to sleep.


End file.
